Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
