If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize