Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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