yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
