i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Vodka?
Forever.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
