The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
