On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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