So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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