I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
