kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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