If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need a beard to bite.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize