I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I've blown a few things in my day
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
