we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
