woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
