I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
