The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
