im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
