If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
