just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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