It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
