you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
