Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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