he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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