My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
