nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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