at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
