I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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