I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
