Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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