she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
