i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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