so explain again why im purple
no
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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