so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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