Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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