i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
