Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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