whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just had sex on a roof
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize