So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
