Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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