I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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