did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
