goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
