Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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