Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
