Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
