You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
