Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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