I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
