I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
