i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
