Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
