You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
