Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize