a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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