He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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