The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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