theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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