RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
