Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize