Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
