just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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