I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
