I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
pray to the hookup gods
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
