He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
