Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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