girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
