ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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