Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
