No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
