I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
