Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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