Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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