Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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