I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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