I want to make a zoo with you.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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