he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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