I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
