ya dads aren't the best wingmen
That's intense
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
