Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
