I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Randomize
