the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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