I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
