Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
