Yo dont text me then not text me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
