I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
