dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
