If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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