I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
