Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
