Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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