hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
