So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
