I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
