me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
