My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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