Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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