I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
