I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
