Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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