Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
