Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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