I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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