Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Come on in and take your pants off
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