my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
