I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have aggressive nipples.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
