I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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