I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
