Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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