It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
