2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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