Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it's like iHOP with fire
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
