I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
