the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
