Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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