Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
